Salma Hayek
A lament, a horror flick, a celebration
When I close my eyes, I see you dancing.
It was Halloween, and the girl I had a huge crush on came to the party after work. She was dressed as Salma Hayek’s vampiric character in From Dusk Till Dawn. The only pictures I have of her from that place are from across the room, and so my memory of her from that night, in every sense, feels far away.
I’d rather touch you than hallucinate.
As I start to write this, sitting in the dimly lit French café off Lincoln Blvd, positioned between a Ross Dress For Less and one of the 75,000 CrossFit gyms in Venice Beach, the song “Thriller” starts to play through the wraparound bar speakers. The music video to this song terrified me as a kid. It also excited me enough to watch to the end.
I admit the frightening things always entrance me.
And what is more entrancing than seeing the one you love dance? I loved watching her dance. I loved the face she made when she danced—always biting her lips, for focus and to conceal a knowing smile.
Tongue-tied, I lie and watch her advance.
I find that when I lose love, I keep the sensory blocks that built it. The way her car smelled after a day at the beach. The way that the Roxy Music song sounded from her shitty phone speaker before we walked into her friend’s holiday party. The way she, though remarkably small in physical stature, grew larger than the room when she danced.
The ghosts of our expectations hide in the hallway.
For me, this song is a lament. It is a horror flick. It is a celebration. It honors time spent in love, and jump-scares the shitty traits that manifest in me when love looms at the foot of the basement stairs. And whether it was the fright of it all or the many, many wonderful things, I watched to the end.
In a world so often belied by earnestness, I do hope mine reveals itself when I sing these lyrics, behind closed eyes, with gratitude for the images still so vividly impressed.
lyrics
Salma Hayek high off no sleep and other things
your costume last Halloween
I admit the frightening things always entrance me
when I close my eyes I see you dancing
The ghosts of our expectations hide in the hallway
The axe-wielding bride is begging me to stay
tongue-tied I lie and watch her advance
when I close my eyes I see you dancing
I’d rather touch you than hallucinate
the real you I could not love
the idea of you can’t hate
How could I judge you for what you did
when I sleep through the night knowing what I’ve gotten away with
when I close my eyes I see you dancing
when I close my eyes I see you dancing
when I close my eyes I see you dancing
Something about the low-quality rendering of Salma Hayek in that movie feels more like my memory than if I downloaded a better one. Thanks for reading.